I'm trying super hard to make sure my past does not rule my present. I'm trying to make sure I don't judge him based on others. I'm trying to keep my composure, and trying not to react so quickly.

I just saw a quote "When a man shows you WHO he is, believe him..". I'm trying to believe him. Actually, what scares me is that I do, and then I can't be mad anymore. I BELIEVE his sincerity, but my past tells me never to trust whole heartedly..and I'm trying not to listen to my past cuz what's a relationship without wholehearted trust...?

Its been a short time, but from day one he has said things that I NEED to hear, not what he thinks I WANT to hear. He handles me, "flaws and all" and does it with a smile. He doesn't critisize any part of me or my life. He contacts me as much as I contact him. He loves and understands my work, and encourages me to keep at it. He does little, sweet things for me that I've never had done before. He makes sure I know that I'm wanted...

And that's everything I need in a man, regardless of what I WANT. Its just so hard for me not to get annoyed at certain things. I know the only reason I get annoyed is because of past relationships that have set precedents.

I need to work on it. I will not let my past dictate my present because my present is setting me up for the future, and in my future..is happiness.

fat girls.

today is <3>

anyway. i've decided to start counting points again. i stopped working out since break, but i'm starting again little by little. i've gained weight, though..more than needed. any weight gained is more than needed. this is an up hill battle that i will win.

point counting is annoying, but super effective and i NEED to get back on my shizz.

day one; let's get it!

-rawr

this recession is getting to be redonk ;\

my job cut back on all part-time hours, and so I'll only be working Saturdays from now on. That means MIA is probably a no-go. DAMNIT.

Any suggestions on somewhere cheap and WARM to go?

whirledpeas

i'm learning to roll with the awkwardness of a new relationship. i can't front..sometimes i feel like i'm just not cut out for this kind of thing. maybe i'm so used to coming and going as i please, that it's hard for me to fall back into having someone in my life. i won't like everything he does or says, and he won't like everything i do or say. that's life, that's what i'm learning to accept. luckily, he's someone who is willing to sit down, talk things out with me, and come to a solution before the night is over. we can't be here to change eachother, and we're not. a compliment is what everyone needs, and what everyone needs to be: i'm seeking someone that can handle me, and balance me out..& he shows serious signs of being able to do just that.

-RANDOM THOUGHT- i really DON'T care about the win the Steelers just got in the SB.

moving on.. my photography teacher, Robin Schwartz, whom i admire VERY much, is always giving me suggestions for my work. honestly, it makes me proud because I know she doesn't do that for everyone. i feel like she really wants me to be successful. ENOUGH MUSHY BUSINESS. for anyone who doesn't know - that's reading this - i'm adopted into an Italian family. my teacher suggested that i make a book consisting of portraits, bios and interviews of myself & my family, and other inter-racial adoptees/adopters. i think i'll give it a GO. it's going to be a touchy, emotional subject, but as an artist my job, and desire, is to create art that impacts someone's life; not everyone's life..one person is an accomplishment in my eyes.

so, if you're reading this and you know anyone who is adopted, or you are adopted yourself, and would be interested in telling their story through words and photographs, PLEASE CONTACT ME. :)

love&peas.

-L

some eye candy <3

me&my dad; lizeth; lucius; e-jay; eugene; VIBE magazine launch; scuba; scottyP.

time management.

[how long do you wait to say what you need to say? how long do you wait for something to be said..? how long should you wait for what you want? how much time is too much time, or too little time? how much time should you put up with things that need to change..? how much time should it take you to change? is there too much time being spent, or is there not enough..?]

I have things I want to say, and things I know should be said.Things I sense are about to be verbalized, but I don't know who or what will initiate the words, so I find myself in waiting. I just can't figure out how much time is too much time, or if enough time has passed or..? So, I'm waiting..because sometimes that's all you can do. Time is all we definitely have, even though we don't know how much of it is ours, and even though we know it won't wait.

I'm spending my all of my time waiting, but I'm not sure what to overlap it with. Waiting is constant, but the time that takes can be shared. I don't know how to divide it. I don't know if I'm spending too much time here or there, and not enough there or here. I don't know if I'm handling my time wisely, I don't even know the point of any of this.

Okay,so I'm writing this via Blackberry for the first time. If it works out well, my BB will REALLY be my entire life :)

School started. Training was wack, move-in day was a mess (and was also my first day of dootz), I LOVE my new staff members :) umm..my classes are decent, I'm indulging in photography! Inauguration day was magical: I'm more in LOVE with Obama than ever (and he with me!) I get to see my sugar daily - its awkward to be in this position, but I'm warming up to it again..


I'm going to be starting a blog for my photography (as per the request of my professor). I'm excited about it. I'll have to come up with a statement about my work, although I may change the focus a bit this semester. I got some interesting, semi-expected reactions to my stuff last semester, and it would be fun to continue it, even though the common denominator was not intentional. You'll see :)

My professors name is Robin Schwartz, by the way. Check her out at www.robinschwartz.net.