<3

i'm trying to figure out if this was a blessing or a curse...? GOD always works in the most unimaginable ways, and maybe this is one of those instances.


-shrugs-

funFUNfun.

it's back to school tomorrow ;\

i don't like being home, but i really don't wana go back. i'm only looking forward to being closer to boobie <3>

..and ROCK BAAAAND all night! and EMPANADAAAS. that's it.

this week dawns a new beginning. gym 4-5 days a week is a MUST. there is no logical reason for me NOT to be going to the FREE gym that i can WALK to..and now its getting WARM.. no reason! i always say i'm getting back on track & fall right back off over some bullsheet. 8\ [those are me & liz's new faces with big googly eyes]

i'm planning a trip to MIAMIIII -shimmies- for my 22nd GOLDEEEEN BIRTHDAAAY! ..that means i turn the AGE of the DATE of my bday: 22 on the 22nd. anywhoo..it is a must that i be healthy, sexy, and naked the entire trip. i can't be naked the size i am now..that would be a crime against humanity. so, weight watchers & gymboree, here i come.


me & jam went bowling last night & i beat him. i will brag about that for a while. a long while.

-thmiles-

we both have insecurities. we both have been through things in the past that have, unfortunatly, set precedents.

it hasn't been long at all, but i've loved every minute, and bad times are loved, too..looking back at them. i like how we communicate, even though sometimes we need to sit & regroup. i'm hard to handle, but he seems to be good at it.

i think it was hard adjusting to living right next to eachother & seeing eachother everyday. i also think we reached our peak with that, and it will be smooth sailing here on out, as far as the living situatioin goes.

i love the time we spend. simple time is the best. out of school time..is the best. we went to the park and went on the swings and i climbed a tree..and ate Boston Market -slurp-, and just did as we pleased. It's been the best day of break..

three things. turned into two.

main points on my mind. -i didn't finish this the other day, so I'm posting it now.-


1. I'm adopted. My parents & extended family are of Italian descent. The woman who birthed me is of Puerto Rican descent, and I know nothing of the dude who's sperm I'm made of. My brother is also adopted; he's Cuban & Puerto Rican. I'm really, REALLY open about my adoption; it's who I am, therefore I will embrace it, whether I know much about it or not.
I'm well aware that I was raised by an Italian family, but the blood in me..my genetic make up is Puerto Rican - fully, or not fully..whatever. If someone asked me my background, I say "I'm Puerto Rican, adopted into an Italian family." Or maybe sometimes I just say, "I'm Puerto Rican." Why...? idk, because I AM...!? Being raised a certain way doesn't alter what is in your blood...
My brother and I - and now my father, i assume...- have different views on this. I will never say that I AM Italian, unless I find out there is some Italian blood running through my body. Never. It's not me disrespecting the Italian culture, because that is what I know.. It's me NOT FORGETTING or OVERRIDING the fact that my blood, my birth-mother's blood..is from Puerto Rico. Simple as that..

2. My new approach is to not ask questions, unless completely necessary. In the past I've asked question that, in reality, I didn't NEED or WANT to know the answer to. The answers only planted seeds in my head & made shit hit the fan set on high-speed. In the past I was set on knowing every single thing about a person's past, when in reality their past shouldn't have meant that much to me. I've come to realize that what I want- and need- is to take a person for who they are in the moment.
I understand, past experience mold us into who we are today, but sometimes who we are TODAY is more important, to me atleast. Honestly, it's hard to bite my tongue and not ask questions, whether they be positive of negative. I feel like whatever I want to know, or whatever someone wants me to know, will come out in time..either via them, or via..life? I don't know..it's just my new experimental approach. With that approach, I also act accordingly..It's hard for me to sit there & talk about myself, so I wait for questions to be asked. When a question is asked, I tell the truth with a smile. However, when questions turn into an investigation of my life, I get a tad...offended, I guess is the word. I'm not here to hide anything. I'm not the type to regret things in my past. Everything I've been through, I'm not ashamed of. I just don't see the relevance of every single thing..to my being in the present.
..If you go looking for things you know you may not like, eventually you'll find them..whether they've been there all along, or you speak them into existance. That's why I opt to take people as they are.

wepaaaa

you're reading this now, and i love u. <3

spring brizzeaaak!

spring break has begun! <3

too bad i'm slightly under the weathah'. hopefully i'll be better by tomorrow-ish. although i'm not going anywhere tropical for SB, i'm going to try to make the best of this well-needed break. i'm going to do as much as my bank account can afford!

i'm thinking museums, aquariums, art shows..random fun places that are easily accessible via public transportation and/or little gas.

any suggestions? i'm totally open to adventures.

via BB again..

I KNOW I don't ask for much. I know what I ask is completely doable and not out of this world.

I've learned to handle relationships the way I want the other party to handle them. I don't do shit I wouldn't want done to me. I don't do things I KNOW would piss my man off, and I make every effort possible to comply with my other half's wishes, no matter what it is.

If I want to do something, and my man asks me not to..and he does so sincerely, I sure as hell won't do it. Period. Its about respect and reciprocation. Golden-rule-ish, if you will. I won't put up a fight, no matter how simple it is. Will I be mad or annoyed? Yeh probably...but the point is, I'd still be able to respect wishes.

Women are difficult. So are dudes, but WOMEN are difficult. I am a woman, figure out the rest. I know sometimes what I ask for may be too simple for a dude to register as "important" but its still what I'm asking for. I honestly, seriously, whole-heartedly believe that I deserve the simple things that I ask for because I KNOW they are possible!

Its not about me being "spoiled" or "always needing to be right" because I DON'T need that. Its about the fact that I would bend over backwards with my hands tied, blindfolded...for my man. That is the person I am.

That is the person I am, and that won't change. What does need to change is the fact that I really EXPECT that to be reciprocated to the same extent as my own ways. Maybe I shouldn't expect it, but I'm allowed to at least ask for it.

I don't like feeling like this. I don't like feeling like I'm not being understood or listened to. I don't like feeling like I'm being fed responses to make me stop arguing my point. I don't like going to bed upset, and I don't like feeling like you really don't care...when that's about all I do..

blabber

jowell - rest in peace <3


i'm in a whirl-wind.

i need to shoot more, i can't find the time or the resources i need.
i'm trying HARD to put logic over emotion.
i'm trying to grasp the idea that i really have someone amazing.<3
i don't know what i'm typing.